Let’s enjoy this FTX bankruptcy filing together

The factor that’s under-appreciated about attorneys — largely as a result of they’re so annoying — is that also they are writers and infrequently proficient ones. And so, within the spirit of literary appreciation, let’s all do an in depth learn of the absolute banger filed today by John J. Ray III within the FTX chapter case.

Who’s Ray? He’s the man operating FTX now, and within the submitting, he writes:

I’ve over 40 years of authorized and restructuring expertise. I’ve been the Chief Restructuring Officer or Chief Government Officer in a number of of the biggest company failures in historical past. I’ve supervised conditions involving allegations of prison exercise and malfeasance (Enron). I’ve supervised conditions involving novel monetary buildings (Enron and Residential Capital) and cross-border asset restoration and maximization (Nortel and Abroad Shipholding). Practically each state of affairs through which I’ve been concerned has been characterised by defects of some type in inside controls, regulatory compliance, human sources and programs integrity.

Fairly the windup. Right here’s how he pays it off, emphasis mine:

By no means in my profession have I seen such an entire failure of company controls and such an entire absence of reliable monetary data as occurred right here. From compromised programs integrity and defective regulatory oversight overseas, to the focus of management within the palms of a really small group of inexperienced, unsophisticated and doubtlessly compromised people, this case is unprecedented.

The Enron man says it’s worse than Enron. Enron.

Okay, however what does he consider Alameda Analysis? Effectively, it’s not promising:

Alameda Analysis LLC ready consolidated monetary statements on a quarterly foundation. To my information, none of those monetary statements have been audited. The September 30, 2022 stability sheet for the Alameda Silo reveals $13.46 billion in whole property as of its date. Nevertheless, as a result of this stability sheet was unaudited and produced whereas the Debtors had been managed by Mr. Bankman-Fried, I do not need confidence in it and the knowledge herein is probably not right as of the date acknowledged.

Emphasis mine, right here and all through. What in regards to the ventures arm? Effectively, Ray isn’t assured in these stability sheets, both, for a similar motive. However my favourite half is that he can’t discover monetary statements for one of many entities used to make enterprise investments, Island Bay Ventures.

How huge is FTX dot com? Arduous to know. Ray is extra well mannered right here about his confidence in Bankman-Fried’s representations:

Mr. Bankman-Fried claimed that, by the top of 2021, round $15 billion of property had been on the platform, which in line with him dealt with roughly 10% of world quantity for crypto buying and selling on the time. Mr. Bankman-Fried additionally claimed that FTX.com, as of July 2022, had “tens of millions” of registered customers. These figures haven’t been verified by my staff.

I imply, one very humorous final result can be to find Bankman-Fried had additionally been mendacity this entire time about how many individuals had been utilizing FTX. I personally can be very completely satisfied and relieved to search out out fewer retail buyers bought ripped off!

These of you who hate conferences will discover this relatable:

Most of the corporations within the FTX Group, particularly these organized in Antigua and the Bahamas, didn’t have applicable company governance. I perceive that many entities, for instance, by no means had board conferences.

Anyway, there’s a brand new board, which presumably will meet. Lots of them are specialists on distressed corporations. How did FTX do with its money?

The FTX Group didn’t keep centralized management of its money. Money administration procedural failures included the absence of an correct listing of financial institution accounts and account signatories, in addition to inadequate consideration to the creditworthiness of banking companions world wide.

What! They what! I’m… They don’t have an correct listing of their financial institution accounts!!! I’m sorry, how is that even potential? Who was in cost right here? What had been they doing? Oh my god. So, uh, “due to historic money administration failures, the Debtors don’t but know the precise amount of money that the FTX Group held as of the Petition Date.”

Now we have now reached the purpose the place we have to discuss FTX’s auditors, and boy, are they one thing. One of many auditors was “Prager Metis,” a agency with which I’m not acquainted and whose web site signifies that they’re the “first-ever CPA agency to formally open its Metaverse headquarters within the metaverse platform Decentraland.” You can not make this shit up! Anyway, Ray has “substantial considerations” in regards to the audited monetary statements, particularly these audited by the Decentraland-friendly agency.

Okay, so we don’t know in regards to the stability statements or the financial institution accounts. Certainly we will determine who labored there, although?

The FTX Group’s strategy to human sources mixed workers of varied entities and out of doors contractors, with unclear information and features of duty. Right now, the Debtors have been unable to arrange an entire listing of who labored for the FTX Group as of the Petition Date, or the phrases of their employment. Repeated makes an attempt to find sure presumed workers to substantiate their standing have been unsuccessful so far.

ksjrhtyakewrtjhwealkewkjweatktwejtwhwksdlthwekpahu PLEASE SEND HELP.

I’m simply… actually, I have no idea what to say about this, and the hits preserve coming for some motive. Funds requests had been submitted “via an on-line ‘chat’ platform the place a disparate group of supervisors authorised disbursements by responding with customized emojis.” Customized emojis!!!!

How did FTX preserve its books on digital property? Trick query! They didn’t preserve books in any respect! And someway, improbably, the state of affairs is worse than that, even?

Unacceptable administration practices included using an unsecured group e mail account as the foundation consumer to entry confidential non-public keys and critically delicate information for the FTX Group corporations world wide, the absence of every day reconciliation of positions on the blockchain, using software program to hide the misuse of buyer funds, the key exemption of Alameda from sure features of FTX.com’s auto-liquidation protocol, and the absence of impartial governance as between Alameda (owned 90% by Mr. Bankman-Fried and 10% by Mr. Wang) and the Dotcom Silo (through which third events had invested).

Look, I’ve been shrieking at my laptop so much currently, however studying that paragraph did make me scream! You may be unsurprised to be taught that Ray has not positioned the entire digital property but. He has known as in forensic analysts to determine all of it out. Holy shit, dude.

Ray can be fairly sympathetic to FTX workers, who seemed to be unaware of all this chaos. “Certainly, I consider a number of the folks most harm by these occasions are present and former workers and executives, whose private investments and reputations have suffered,” he writes. Woof.

Anyway, “Mr. Bankman-Fried typically communicated by utilizing purposes that had been set to auto-delete after a brief time period, and inspired workers to do the identical.” Look, I perceive this enterprise was run by 12-year-olds, however this can be a purple flag!!! It’s essential write issues down!!!

However actually, my favourite half is likely to be close to the top. John Ray has had sufficient of Sam Bankman-Fried’s shit! He’s fed up! How do I do know? Effectively:

Lastly, and critically, the Debtors have made clear to workers and the general public that Mr. Bankman-Fried will not be employed by the Debtors and doesn’t communicate for them. Mr. Bankman-Fried, presently within the Bahamas, continues to make erratic and deceptive public statements. Mr. Bankman-Fried, whose connections and monetary holdings within the Bahamas stay unclear to me, lately acknowledged to a reporter on Twitter: “F*** regulators they make every part worse” and steered the subsequent step for him was to “win a jurisdictional battle vs. Delaware”.

Man, I’m not a lawyer, however this does learn like, “Carry it on, little bitch.”

Right here’s the complete doc, which you’ll be able to learn for your self: